Internet Histories21.11.10

Hell is Empty and All The Devils are Here

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

- Robert Frost

Eschatology (from the Greek ἔσχατος, eschatos meaning “last” and -logy meaning “the study of”) is the study of the end of the world as we know it. The emphasis here is on the latter part of that statement, since it doesn’t refer to the complete end of the world but simply the reality we have become familiar with. This transition is marked by some sort of crisis - for instance, a nuclear war, a giant squid inking three-fifths of the globe, or humans developing the technology to travel through the space-time continuum - which then catapults us into a new age (whether this is utopian or dystopian is anyone’s guess).

Modern eschatology favours the notion that our violent delights will have violent ends: Christian eschatology focuses on the second coming of Christ where, according to the book of Revelation, Jesus is going to come back and be all, “Oh hai guys!” And God’s gonna be real happy and to celebrate he’ll have a Judgment Day where he’ll be all, “Hay mate, you’re cool, you shud totes come hang with me in Nu Jerusalem!!” (New Jerusalem is this really awesome place to party if you’re Christian).

According to Hindu eschatology, we are currently in the Kali Yuga - the last of four periods of the current age, with each period marked by the increasing degeneration of the moral fibre of humanity. At the end of it all, Shiva will come and destroy everything and then recreate it. Rinse, repeat.

Anyway, this idea of the degeneration of moral order really strikes a bell. The real reason I’m writing this is because of Everyone Losing Their Shit Over Oprah’s Favourite Things (click through to watch the video):

Today Oprah surprised an audience of “givers” with her last-ever Favorite Things show. Watch grown men cried over cashmere blankets, women screaming in ecstasy, and one person mouth, “I’m gonna drop dead.” (Oprah literally had medics in the aisles.)

Oprah actually wore a decoy dress to fool the audience, which she ripped away to reveal her holiday outfit. Of the tons of free shit she gave out today, the biggest reactions were to a diamond watch, five years of Netflix, Jay-Z’s book, a lasagna pan, a 3D TV, and 18 scented candles. But the biggest screams of all came during the finale gift: A seven-day Caribbean cruise.

is what the end of the world looks like. This video is unreal. I actually feel sick every time I watch it. What the fuck, America? Oprah is ACTUALLY Satan. Look at how she bellows “DIAMOND WATCH” in this horrible ox-like voice while everybody around her screams hysterically. And then at the end, she’s just standing there, slowly nodding, this grim look of satisfaction on her face while she surveys her empire. Oh man. Everything about this gives me the creeps. Big time.

Seriously. Fuck you Oprah. To everyone in the audience: Please kill yourself.

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The Pantograph Punch publishes urgent and vital cultural commentary by the most exciting new voices in Aotearoa.

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